Confidential: 22 Google Laws Leaked

A source within Google has leaked this list of 22 Google laws. These confidential laws are not meant to be known by the public so make sure to spread the news before this site gets shut down.

They cover 3 topics mainly: Ethics, privacy and website optimization for Google. I added some links where the laws might need some explanation.

1. Do no evil, unless money is at stake and nobody watches
2. Don’t like our corporation? You can always use these other competitors’ services who are much worse
3. Come on, your computer, iPhone and your sneakers are Made in China too so what’s the problem with Google China?
4. We do not censor, we just remove questionable material others asked us to remove, especially with dirty words like “anal sex” and “democracy“.
5. We’re not a monopoly, you always can use a different product, move along

6. The friendly brother is watching you
7. The more free Google services you use the less free you are
8. Google has got your data and we respect the local laws, so if the police calls
9. We own your Google documents, didn’t you know? Read the ToS next time
10. We know everyting about your website and we’ll tell the competition

Website optimization
11. The more you try to fulfill Google’s wishes on your website the less it’ll work in the long run
12. Once you managed to gain a good position in Google’s results Google will change something and you drop back down
13. To abide by Google’s webmaster guidelines you need to watch them closely, they might change any day
14. Website optimization techniques which were perfectly legitimate once will be spam in the future
15. If you ask us how to optimize for Google we will reply that great content is it, even if you already have great content
16. The more Google conformity on your website the more clutter
17. Writing for Google is writing for robots
18. Any way of gaining links for a better Google ranking is artificial and once we find out we will clamp down on it
19. What big corporations are allowed to you are not
20. You can’t call Google once you have been kicked out of the Index, unless you’re the BMW manager
21. Paid links are only paid if you receive the money directly and tell others about it and they don’t point to Google sites or our partners
22. We’re patriotic, you won’t rank high in the USA if your site is from India

I assume this list of 22 Google laws is not complete as some aspects beyond ethics, privacy and website optimization are barely covered or not covered at all, so if you work at Google and know the rest of them make sure to add them in the comments. Your name will remain strictly confidential [take note though that I use Google Analytics and the comments will be sent to my GMail account].

You can copy this article and spread it but please do it with an attribution and a link to this page. The truth about Google must be uncovered!


Last updated: June 16th, 2015 (removed broken links).