The Dirty Dozen of Funny SEO Techniques for Lazy Bums
Most traditional SEO techniques are boring. Even worse: SEO is actual work in most cases. I’m lazy like hell. I wish I had a 4 hour work week or something.
Other people automate everything but I suck at programming.
Others outsource to some overseas sweatshops to poor comment spamming wretches with basic English skills (“thank you for this great post” anybody?) but I’m too ethical to do that.
Funny SEO techniques
As the lazy bum I am I had to come up with some special albeit funny SEO techniques that work for me instead.
I came up with a few ridiculous ideas.
I’d like to present you the dirty dozen of funny SEO techniques for lazy bums to use at your own peril but make sure for Mad Cuts the serial SEO killer not to notice!
- Seek enlightenment in a Korean monastery or just hire a Korean SEO named Seo to comment on blogs.
- Use a funny name for your blog, something like SEOctopus.
- Wear a funny hat, it does not have to be a sombrero, any hat hat that is huge enough will do.
- Employ comics like Dilbert or Ranked Hard to spread your message.
- Use a ridiculous medium nobody else would ever use in your niche. Ever heard of the Life after death quilts?
- Use only most insane language in your writings.
- Become one with your audience (by commenting yourself on your blog posing as different people).
- Insert funny sounding typos into your texts to improve your copy biting skills.
- Use spell checkers in creative ways, that will defiantly improve the quality of your content.
- Ridicule cat bloggers who pose as experts for different species.
- Spice up your blog posts with some political correct sexism bitching around about men and technology.
- Make your readers actually smell what you are talking about you link horny bastards!
- Make up really fake secrets and then disclose them as real ones but don’t tell others about this secret technique.
- Offend your audience and make them fight back in the comments.
- Insert numbers in your post headline but then make sure not to stick with them.
- Lie, lie, lie! While at it never, I repeat NEVER use irony! Especially avoid using UPPERCASE, bold and italics to highlight it!
- Avoid dropping purple cows out of helicopters! Only use black and white cows for that purpose.
- Ridicule yourself! People will love you for that! People feel better with jerks around than they do with kings.
- Start a feud with a well known authority in your niche and never let go! Lyndon, I’ll get you sooner or later!
- When nothing else helps try some good old colon cleansing, you’ll feel like a new born afterwards (or like abducted by aliens).
Do you know other funny SEO techniques? In case you do make sure NOT to add them in the comments! Also don’t read any more posts on this SEO blog and don’t follow me on Twitter.
Last updated: April 17th, 2018: added new teaser image and a meta description.
um…..i’ll pass these on the to the seo team but i am not sure that they are ones we would use….:D
This is funny stuff- and some of it will actually work! It’s better to annoy, offend and anger people than to have them ignore you, right? At least they’ll remember you when it comes to time make a purchase or if they need info. I don’t know how the cow thing will help me, though…
u bloody blacky people u dont know how to do seo? and u give bloody bad words to indian if u know that u r standing becz of indians only, it usa we have supported u and ur standing becz of us only,,,
so ever never give this bad words POOR Indians….
I f u ever give bad words to indian thatn they will show u what they r and wht guts they have so dont do that again…..
Funny read, a lot of people called SEO these days, the name are really gaining momentum, especially in the Far East. I think my first born son will have to be named Search Engine Optimization, and I will let him comment on blogs full time as soon as he can type on a computer.
Hilarious! this should teach people a lesson. Funnier because something like that could actually happen.
I think the purple cow thing does work but you were too lazy to paint the cow. You can’t fool us.
I thought the post was serious at first. I’ll stick to the hard work SEO like backlinking.
Great SEO Techniques. You’ve made my day with a bit of humor. Thank you!
This is seriously not funny! I’m using all those techniques, you know ;)
gotta be the funniest thing i`ve read all day.. haha xD im sure gonna implement some of those tricks in my blog, see if I can pick a online fight with some authority or somethin.. Haha!
Quite interesting…and funny. It always better to improve yourself with laughing.
Haha, these were good for a laugh.
Life after death quilts…awesome niche.
Hack into Google and put a back-link on the google homepage.
I think you’d be suprised at how many SEO ‘gurus’ would actually fall for this as an ACTUAL guide.
rock1234 obviously took it seriously. Lol.
@rock1234 STFU. You dumb ass that is not picture of the poster. That is a picture of a rap group called the Clipse.IF you thought that was a SEO team your an idiot. Dieing from laughter. Keep your caste system comments to yourself. If it wasn’t for the US you probably would be jobless.
Hey Deez,
please mind your words. I won’t delete your comment only because you added something of value.
I didn’t know the guys on the image. Are you sure they are The Clipse? The Clipse are just two guys aren’t they?
In case it’s really The Clipse I’d be happy to add that to the post as an image caption.
I’ve chosen the path, write a few good SEO jokes in my language and watch them spread like wildfire.
Thanks for the tips though :) :)