25+ Shocking Remarks on Search & Social Media to Ruin the Holidays
It’s the holiday season again. Christmas and New Year’s Eve are always a time when we are confronted with real life.
We can’t connect to Facebook all the time, tinkering with websites is frowned upon by partners, children and other relatives.
Writing blog posts doesn’t make much sense as nobody reads them anyway, being either on vacation or meeting with their families.
Yet some of us simply can’t give up on their online identity even during that time of the year. We are still professionals – even in awkward circumstances, aren’t we?
Yet here are some of the remarks that guarantee to ruin the holidays for you and your family. Use them at your own peril or simply remember to refrain from mentioning those.
Ah, You Work with Computers!
By now your family may already know that you work on the Internet. They may still consider you to be an IT person though. This is risky.
They will wonder why you can’t fix their Windows XP machine – it’s just 20 years old! Unless of course you can distract them by starting a conversation.
What can you talk about with people who more or less appreciate you but still just have only a very broad idea about your daily business?
You have to start the conversation before they begin asking questions about you! What to tell them? Hard to say – I can certainly warn you not to say things that will ruin the rest of the holidays for you and everybody else.
I compiled 25+ shocking remarks about search, social media, Facebook & Google that will certainly ruin your holidays. Keep clear of them!
Educating Your Family
You want to spread the word about technology. After all it means progress! Yet some things better remain unsaid. Don’t assume that what you say will also be understood the way you meant it.
You probably live in a city and are surrounded by other hip people who work in technology jobs. You are probably still puzzled how the US electorate could vote for Trump or the Brits voluntarily choose to leave the EU. You are probably an arrogant hipster. Shut up and listen.
always make people understand how they are affected by what you do and by the Internet.
Don’t try to surprise them or even shock them with your superior knowledge of all things Internet.
You may know a lot of buzzwords and even grasp same of the concepts behind them. For the others they are merely magic spells and downright scary. Most people still assume that
- blogging is not a real job
- social media is a waste of time
- search engine optimization is spam.
Anything else that is even more surprising might cause real harm. Heart attacks and divorces are much more common during the holidays than the rest of the year. Beware! Here are the stupid remarks that will get you in trouble.
- Have you ever asked yourself why the top Google result is there? In most cases it’s due to search engine optimization. Otherwise it’s an ad or Google owned service.
- Your mum sees different search results from you. Why? Google knows where you live and what you have searched in the past.
- Any website can make money. It doesn’t have to sell something. On the Internet you can earn money from “nothing” when your site ranks on Google.
- Search engine optimization is neither advertising nor marketing – it’s not about buying ads. Google optimization is like learning how to drive while Google ads are like paying for a taxi.
- All those who don’t like SEO should use the noindex meta tag on their sites. It prevents them from spamming the search results themselves.
- What would Jesus do if he lived today? He would use social media. Like Jesus you can share things without giving them away and the more you share the more they multiply.
- Most of the blog posts written 20 years ago were as long as Facebook updates today. Thus everybody who can use Facebook can blog or actually already blogs.
- You do not use social media – social media uses you. In cases where a tool is free you are not the customer you are the product they sell. It can be your content, your social relations, your data or all three.
- The more you oppose something on social media like Twitter the more popular it gets! When you hate something, don’t mention it all!
- Most social media sites use algorithms now. What does it mean? They only show you things you like and agree with. It’s called a filter bubble.
- The number one use of Facebook for parents is to spy on their kids. That’s why kids use Snapchat now where they can delete messages automatically.
- Did you know that Facebook tracks you everywhere on the Web once you’re logged in?
- You can’t delete a Facebook account. Your data stays with Facebook forever. You just lose control of it when discontinuing your Facebook account.
- What is the business model of Facebook? Selling your friends and their private information to advertisers. Facebook even targets vulnerable teens.
- Everything you post on Facebook is public. A friend of yours just needs to share your drunk images on his account publicly.
- Facebook is already on the way down in the US. It sends less traffic to publishers than Google after years of dominance. It’s already on the same path as MySpace or Friendster.
- Not being on Facebook is like not even having a TV set a few years back.
- Facebook uses your face to advertise third party products.
- Facebook face recognition software can recognize you on these drunk images automatically.
- Google is not a search engine. It’s not an Internet company. It’s an advertising firm. It earns more than 95% revenue from text ads. Saying Google is a search engine is like saying that McDonalds is about real estate or agriculture.
- You can search and browse the Web without all the distracting ads from Google if you want. Just use DuckDuckGo instead and choose to hide ads.
- Nothing you search on Google is private. They keep your search logs for 18 months. According to the Patriot Act they have to hand over the data to US authorities when asked for. Even when you’re outside the US.
- Do you think it’s great to work for Google? They work 60+h a week. It must be great then. Who outside of China wants to work such long hours?
- Google has discontinued more than hundreds of products and features. They might discontinue the free service you use any day.
- Do you know what the second largest search engine is? It’s YouTube. It’s also owned by Google btw.
- Google is not the only good search engine. You may know Bing or Yahoo but have you tried DuckDuckGo or Ecosia?
Don’t be rude but don’t let others to be rude either
Of course you have to be gentle to your family members. Believe me, the holiday season is the time of the year when everybody wants to ask
- why you are “spamming Google”
- when you will get “a real job”
- why you didn’t befriend them on Facebook
Indeed you are far better off by deciding what the topic of your conversation is. Why not talk about your healthy hobbies. Yoga!
Suggest to show them right away. Immediately the room will become empty. Also some of the remarks above can actually end the conversation.
In case you wondered: all of these remarks are true! I just didn’t just want to make a link list to prove it. Look them up yourself. Nonetheless they are shocking. The truth is better not divulged during the holidays though!