Internal Google Rules Governing the Corporation
Imagine your business depends on a black box corporation like Google! What then?
You have to learn to read between the lines.
Thus I prepared an unofficial list of rules that govern the corporation.
You may not hear about them in the news or read about them in the latest press release.
Yet this is how Google works behind the scenes.
Secret Rules? Are You Kidding Me?
OK then. How secret is secret?
Is this some kind of practical joke?
Well. Not really. It’s not about secrets in the CIA sense.
These are open secrets. You only have to open your eyes to notice.
Believe me, I’ve witnessed it over the years more often than I would have liked to.
Following the news about Google is often truly frustrating.
The list covers mainly three topics: ethics, privacy, website optimization and Google panalties.
I added some links where the rules might need some context to grasp them.
Ethics
1. Do no evil, unless money is at stake and nobody watches. When someone watches do it anyway. We have enough unpaid tax money to pay for penalties.
2. Don’t like our corporation? You can always use these other competitors’ services who are much worse.
3. Come on, your computer, iPhone and your sneakers are Made in China too so what’s the problem with Google China?
4. We do not censor, we just remove questionable material others asked us to remove, especially with dirty words like “anal sex” and “democracy“.
5. We’re not a monopoly, you always can use a different product even though we dominate the market, move along punk!
Privacy
6. The friendly brother is watching you – we only use your data for your own good! You get better ads.
7. The more free Google services you use the less free you are. You are trapped within our filter bubble!
8. Google has got your data and we respect the local laws, so if the police calls… we will of course obey the law. When it hurts our business we won’t btw.
9. We own your Google documents, didn’t you know? Read the ToS next time.
10. We know everything about your website and we’ll tell the competition.
Website optimization
11. The more you try to fulfill Google’s wishes on your website the less it’ll work in the long run
12. Once you managed to gain a good position in Google’s results Google will change something and you drop back down
13. To abide by Google’s webmaster guidelines you need to watch them closely, they might change any day
14. Website optimization techniques which were perfectly legitimate once will be spam in the future
15. If you ask us how to optimize for Google we will reply that great content is it, even if you already have great content
Google penalties
16. The more you conform to Google demands on your website the more clutter
17. Writing for Google is writing for robots
18. Any way of gaining links for a better Google ranking is artificial and once we find out we will clamp down on it
19. What big corporations are allowed to you are not
20. You can’t call Google once you have been kicked out of the Index, unless you’re the BMW manager
21. Paid links are only paid if you receive the money directly and tell others about it and they don’t point to Google sites or our partners
22. We’re patriotic, you won’t rank high in the USA if your site is from India
I assume this list of hitherto unwritten Google rules is not complete!
Some aspects beyond ethics, privacy, website optimization and Google penalties are not covered at all.
Thus in case you work at Google and know the rest of them make sure to add them in the comments.
Your name will remain strictly confidential. I have Proton Mail for whistle blowers! Just write to onreact at pm.me
You can copy this article and spread it but please do it with an attribution and a link to this page.
The truth about Google must be uncovered!
GREAT FUN!!! I especially love #7: The more free Google services you use the less free you are!!!
AMEN!
If this is what google employees are obiding to, than it is SCARY
All the Google people I know have said that ‘optimization’ is never talked about internally. Why would it be? They don’t make a dime on it.
Creative list though-
:-) Sweet.
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ZOMG THE CONSPIRACY OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!
…
Wow. Just… wow. The omission of facts in this rather obviously fake “Google manifesto” is painful.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m NOT a fan of monopolies, or Big Brother style tactics. I agree that Google needs to be watched. But when you go out and start ranting about how evil Google is, despite the countless free high-quality services they offer and their rather comprehensive privacy policy (have you bothered to read it recently? My sources point to “No”) and many other unarguably good deeds besides, you make yourself out to be a fool. Right on par with the people who swear that aliens are trying to make contact with them through their dog.
Google isn’t evil yet. It could become evil, but it isn’t at this moment. If you discredit yourself now with stupid things like this, you’ll be ignored if/when they really do turn evil, and that would be a shame. Boy who cried wolf, anyone?
Hey Keegan, if it’s so obvious why don’t you notice that it’s satire? Are the categories “fun” and “bullshit” above the post not enough of a hint? Besides that, what’s your problem? I do not talk about all the “free high-quality services” that Google offers because this is a post pointing out the drawbacks of relying on Google. I think it’s heart breaking how you attempt to defend this poor little mega-corporation that has been viciously attacked by a “stupid” blogger. You’re a real activist!
If you don’t care for democracy, human rights, privacy etc. then just move to China, work for the Chinese wages, say “democracy” a few times and then check out what Google services you’ll be able to use in prison.
Good Shit! Lol..i mean great stuff..though it sounds humorous but many aspects were true.
Laughed a bit and then sat down and thought a bit and laughed again when i read it again :)
nice article!
HAha i am new, But I think all these are tru. Especially the BMW one. If it was one of us, im sure it wouldn’t work.
Haha that’s at great post, in fact my favourite of the week I think. You know more and more I’m seeing people unhappy with the power Google are having in terms of the information they have access to.
There’s a court case in England at the moment, the case of the “back from the dead canoeist” (he faked his death to collect the life insurance with his wife). They have both been found guilty and so some of the details of the evidence have been revealed. That includes series of emails between them after his “death” and also spreadsheets they used to plan the fraud. I wonder if they were using gmail and Google Docs and google handed the evidence over…?
Certainly I can recall a case last year I think where someone was convicted of attempted murder of her husband, and one of the pieces of evidence was her internet searches which showed she was researching poisons that couldn’t be detected!
Scary stuff really.
Ah just came across this article. Immense. Unfortunatly it is all so true :( Every week a see more and more weird behaviour from Google. I recently got a couple of websites penalised for questionable link building. Yes I know, cut my hands off I am evil. Anyway looking at the state of the SERPs it just takes the piss how many people completely take the piss and get away with it. One example was a big wordpress sponsor, he was penalised, got back in then just started up again. No issues since! Unfortunatly the opposite seems to happen to quite a lot of people and they get penalties for hardly anything. I sometimes think that the whole identifying spam thing is no where near as intelligent as Google tries and make out. They just seem to penaluse a bunch of people and hope the fear of penalties makes people conform to their guidelines.
#14 is retarded. This doesn’t happen because of Google being awkward, it happens because people manipulate the SERPs by overusing certain techniques.
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Hey leave Google alone. . . or they will put you out of business.
Wow, interesting post. Some of the information sharing does bug me
Google isn’t evil yet. It could become evil, but it isn’t at this moment. If you discredit yourself now with stupid things like this, you’ll be ignored if/when they really do turn evil, and that would be a shame. Boy who cried wolf, anyone?
Great stuff. # 17 is classic.
I would not ever comment on Google’s “evil” nature or intentions. They are the only game in town, and thats the truth. Google can single handedly put an organization out of business, or in the alternative, make them wealthy overnight.
Brilliant article quite funny to – whilst realistic – number 17 & 22 are facts!