15 Ways of Disagreeing with Style
“I defeat my enemies by making them my friends” – Daial Lama.
Quite often I am subject to or part of some major disagreements and heated debates online.
This is partly due to the rapid spread of my SEO 2.0 ideas. People just can’t ignore them anymore.
Why do people get angry online so often?
While I am in Internet publishing for over fifteen years now and have done basically everything
- written about almost every topic
- tried almost every medium and tool
- contributed to multiple publications and communities
doing it I encounter still the same problems. People get angry at me for expressing opinions outside the mainstream.
This negativity is partly due to the “nature” of the Internet itself and it’s alienation but a large part of it is people lacking basic social skills.
This sometimes even antisocial behavior is astonishing as most people I debate with are grown ups and often respectable business people.
During my first years online I still assumed that because I was a newbie or still very young people treated me accordingly.
It’s not always your fault when people are rude
By now I realized that it’s not my fault. I’m middle-aged and have a solid background of 15+ years as a Web technology specialist. Now I perceive rudeness as what it is.
Of course I’m not perfect myself. I still sometimes get annoyed when people make remarks or voice “opinions” that are
and the like. In real life they wouldn’t do it facing me. Phillip of Google Blogoscoped even reprimanded me for insulting people who denounce free speech.
Nonetheless I want to talk about real discussions here, not flame wars. You need to be able to debate properly online to make sense as a blogger and social media contributor.
Disagreement is the foundation of evolving ideas.
Where everybody agrees everything has come to halt. It’s a standstill. This can’t be the goal. The goal is to move on and improve.
Thus I collected 15 basic rules of disagreeing with style, an art which is not very widely spread on the Web right now it seems. When you disagree:
1. Disagree with opinions and ideas, not people
2. Explain what you disagree with and why instead of sulking like a 5 year old kid or crying “no” again and again
3. Be polite. Just because you think your opponent is wrong does not mean s/he is an idiot or worse
4. Disagree directly where the debate takes place. Do not discreditpeople behind their back in a place you think you got more support by your online buddies
5. Wait. When you’re angry do not respond right away. Wait until the next day or “until the dust settles”. In case you’re only agitated reply immediately.
6. Think. Do not write a two liner in a reply to a full-fledged analysis or thorough article. Take your time to read it thoroughly and to formulate a reply
7. Don’t bully. Do not engage in a mob action just because adding some remarks in the slipstream of others feels so much safer
8. Read the article which started the discussion in the first place, do not just react to the third follow up
9. Do not pretend to be objective. Only God is. People are only capable of being subjective. They’re always biased. Do not use phrases like “it’s generally known”
10. Do not assume that customs from your home town or country apply to the rest of the world
11. Overlook misspellings of your opponent and concentrate on the points she or he made, especially when you discuss with non-native speakers of English
12. Be yourself. Use your real name and link to your website to establish authority
13. Do not question the authority of your opponents by citing things they did or said out of the context of the disagreement, unless they are serial offenders
14. Question your opinion. Remember it applies to your own experience. Your opponent has probably a differing experience. Just because you didn’t do or see it yet does not mean it does not exist or it’s not true
15. Be present. Do not try to convince somebody by relying on tradition “we always do that” or the majority “everybody knows that”, new ideas are never main stream at the beginning
That said I welcome you to disagree with me in a civilized manner. Just because we disagree we do not have to go to war.
Last updated: July 24th, 2017.